Pushing to the Limit
by Telya
Summary: A weapon is used to injure, defeat or destroy; an instrument of attack or defense in combat. It doesn't have feelings. Or does it...?


I don't own Final Fantasy VII and I don't make any money out of this. It's all just for fun.

The idea was to reflect on crucial points of Sephiroth's life. On the one hand, there's the description on how Sephiroth acts on the outside, on the other hand the lyrics are meant to represent what's going on inside his mind.

Lyrics: "Pushed again" by the German band "Die Toten Hosen".

* * *

><p><strong>Pushing to the Limit<strong>

Pain was a constant companion since his birth. Unable to grasp the meaning behind all this prodding and probing and sticking needles into every part of his body, baby Sephiroth somehow survived it.

Screaming, crying, suffering.

When he was finally able to voice his thoughts, his feelings, in coherent speech, he confronted his tormentor. "Why are you doing this?"

"To make you strong, boy. You're going to be a weapon. Shinra's weapon. You're going to be perfect." The crazed look in the scientist's eyes promised pain. That was when the Mako infusions started.

Sephiroth silently endured it all – his childhood, his teenager years, his SOLDIER training. While becoming increasingly withdrawn and wary of the people around him, Sephiroth's skills developed at an incredible rate. Soon, he surpassed his teachers, exceeding all expectations.

Finally, they deemed him a success.

_Whispering voices in my head,  
>sounds like they're calling my name.<br>A heavy hand is shaking my bed,  
>I'm waking up and I feel the strain.<em>

He was the perfect specimen.

_I'm feeling pushed again... I'm feeling pushed again... _

Fame wasn't something he relished. Not only did Shinra use it in order to idolize Sephiroth as a hero and a role model for future generations of SOLDIER, it also brought about the obligation to attend those tedious celebrations the president of Shinra seemed so fond of. While being paraded around and praised for the atrocities he committed in Shinra's name, Sephiroth learned more about humankind than he ever wanted to. Those so called admirers, lackeys and the like would swarm about him, gazing at him in open wonder and fear. Disgustingly frivolous women threw themselves at his feet. They would cling to him if they were just brave enough.

He was the most powerful being on the planet. He was different… unique. Nobody would ever compare to him. His purpose in life - to do the bidding of his masters. The sight of him was marvellous. And here he was, standing amongst them. His presence alone was enough to send them in a frenzy.

"This is the beginning of a new era. Soon, Shinra will provide energy for the whole of Gaia. Wealth and happiness is at hand" the booming voice of the president announced to his rapt audience. "But to those who oppose us, I promise you this: Shinra will not remain passive while you try to destroy the work of a lifetime. We will crush you, we will wipe you off the face of this planet. You will feel the fury of Shinra's weapon unleashed. For the sake of this planet and its peoples!"

The Silver General remained stoic while cheering erupted all around him.

_Why should I go where everyone goes?  
>Why should I do what everyone does?<br>I don't like it when you get too close,  
>I don't wanna be under your thumb. <em>

He was the perfect SOLDIER.

_I'm feeling pushed again... pushed again.  
>I'm feeling pushed again... pushed again. <em>

Friendship was a foreign concept to Sephiroth. And with little to no experience in social interaction, his reaction to his new comrades in arms was awkward at best.

His men respected him, feared him even, but NEVER did one of them try to get close to him. In Sephiroth's experience being a SOLDIER 1st Class equalled being lonely. Or rather… being HIM… equalled being lonely. But suddenly there were these two men, as different as day and night, who made an obvious effort to befriend him.

"Everybody needs a friend or two in this crazy world, don't you think?"

The famous Silver General of Shinra was a brilliant tactician on the battlefield, a master of weaponry, skilled in assessing the enemy's strengths and weaknesses both physical and mental, but this approach towards him was beyond his understanding.

"If I may say so, you look as if you could do with a little companionship."

Being who he was Sephiroth always believed being shunned to be normal and learned to act accordingly. But finally having someone looking behind his façade of indifference and revealing the blunt truth led him into unknown territory.

For a SOLDIER this meant to be alert, to retreat if necessary, to stay away from the opponent until his motives were evaluated and MOST IMPORTANTLY to familiarise oneself to the new situation.

_Why can't you just leave me alone?  
>Solitude is a faithful friend.<br>Turn the lights off - I'm not home,  
>can't you see, I don't need your help? <em>

Conflict was part of a SOLDIER's life - and so was their desire to challenge each other.

Cold efficiency clashed with the striving for dreams and honour and with fierce ambition. Soon, friendly battle turned into a fight for dominance, friends became adversaries.

"The world needs a new hero."

Sephiroth couldn't care less about this petty title he never even wanted in the first place. Genesis was his friend but he was past the point of reason and left Sephiroth no other choice but to fight. It was a matter of honour. After all, it wasn't in his nature to back down from a challenge, ever.

"Humph, come and try."

Obsession and pride clouded their minds. The voice of reason went unheard.

It was only a matter of time before it got out of hand.

_You're going fast when I wanna go slow,  
>you make me run when I want to walk.<br>You're sending me down a rocky road,  
>I get confused when you start to talk. <em>

He was the perfect killing machine.

_I'm feeling pushed again... feeling pushed again.  
>I'm feeling pushed again... pushed again. <em>

Defection wouldn't be tolerated.

"The company has decided to eliminate Genesis and his cohorts. This includes Angeal as well."

They wanted him to kill his friends. As was expected of him, Sephiroth didn't even bat an eyelid when receiving his orders. His outright refusal to carry them out remained his secret.

Without realizing it, Shinra had pushed its weapon one too many times, too hard.

Soon, they would learn that even the best weapon could fail.

_Why can't you just leave me alone?  
>You're dragging me right to the edge.<br>I've got to go when you jerk my rope,  
>I don't know where the good times went. <em>

He was no mere human.

_And I'm sick of this pain in my head.  
>And I'm scared I'm being pushed - being pushed again. <em>

Truth was what Sephiroth searched for all his life. He had questions, many questions. When he finally got his answers, he saw the truth for what it was:

Painful

"Could it be… that I…?...was created the same way? Am I the same as these monsters? …am I… a human being?"

"No such luck. You are a monster."

Cruel

"Abominations spawned by mako energy… That's what monsters are."

Violating

"Poor little Sephiroth… You've never actually met your mother. You've only been told her name, no? Jenova was excavated from a 2000-year-old rock layer. She's a monster."

Upsetting

"Jenova Project S… used the remains of countless failed experiments to create a perfect monster."

Devastating

"Sephiroth… You were the greatest monster created by the Jenova Project."

The truth accomplished what a thousand armies couldn't do.

Shinra's weapon was crushed.

_It's getting more than I can take,  
>it's like a band tightening around my head.<br>If you keep pushing, something's going to break,  
>it's making me think, I'd be better off dead. <em>

Insanity engulfed a weakened mind.

Calm and collected on the outside, Sephiroth perused document after document, confirming what he already knew to be true. With each page turned he retreated further into his mind where shadows lurked and a faint voice whispered to him, its lure getting stronger by the day.

A strange twist of fate it was - unravelling the secret of how he came into being in the very place his existence once began.

When there was nothing left to learn, nothing left in him to resist the voice's merciless onslaught on the last shreds of sanity, Sephiroth could finally hear the calling.

The voice was calling for him.

His mother was calling for her son.

It cut through the numbness, tore down the last resistance, shattered his will.

Silently gazing into the abyss of his soul, Sephiroth let it push him over the edge…

…falling, falling…into darkness.

_Why can't you just leave me alone?  
>Solitude is a faithful friend.<br>I'll sort my life out on my own,  
>I just want this pressure to end.<em>

He was something greater.

_And I'm sick of this pain in my head.  
>And I'm scared I'm being pushed - being pushed again. <em>


End file.
